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Absolute Drivel

by David Blamires

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1.
Stephanie’s in a cab She got her headphones on, and she smells like cigarettes Jennifer’s at the mall And it’s raining Alice is in a bar & she’s laughing, her kisses taste like tequila Courtney’s got other ideas, not good ones, mmmmm Meaningless, thoughtless Pointless, absolute drivel ‘cause I don’t know what I’m on about No I don’t know what I’m on about Brenda’s in a fix Because her phone’s dead, and she’s running out of options Hayley’s in a state of mind, not a good one Meaningless, thoughtless Pointless, absolute drivel ‘cause I don’t know what I’m on about No I don’t know what I’m on about Don’t try to read behind the lines ‘cause it’s a complete waste of time None of this makes any sense, by design And it’s meaningless, absolute drivel Pointless Emily thinks of him ‘cause she’s enamoured of his mind, and his idiot poetry Gemma’s in love with Brave New Dave ‘cause he’s meaningless, thoughtless Pointless, absolute drivel ‘cause he don’t know what he’s on about No he don’t know what he’s on about Meaningless, thoughtless Pointless, absolute drivel ‘cause he don’t know what he’s on about No he don’t know what he’s on about I don’t know what I’m on about No I don’t know what I’m on about
2.
Fuck off No need to linger, just fuck off Talk to the finger There is no more, just close the door From the other side Fuck off Seems pretty simple just fuck off So fundamental My mind is set, what don’t you get? The fuck, or the off? Fuck off (fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off) Fuck off (fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off) Fuck off, aaaaaahhhh, fuck off Come back I’ve changed my mind then, please come back Now I’ve changed it back again So just fuck off Just fucking fuck, fuck off (fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off) Fuuuuck ooooff (fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off) Don’t stop for gas, don’t stop for lunch Don’t turn the car around, based on a hunch Don’t order pizza, from a Serbian named Stan Two simple words, I hope you understand Fuck off Fuck off (fuuuuck ooooff) Fuck off Fuck off Don’t overthink it, just fuck off Pour it and drink it Don’t wonder why, just say goodbye Fuck off Feel free to mope, ‘cause there is no hope Fuck off Fu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uck off (.. fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off ..)
3.
Potato, mystical tuber Solanum tuberosum Ancient friend, borne of the Andes Conveyed to Europe by the Spanish in the 16th century Everybody must pray to the God of Potatoes Without whom there would be no potatoes And what kind of world would it be If there were no potatoes? Nutrient-rich, good carbs & fibre Fourth largest food crop in the world (behind rice, wheat, & corn) Able to yield two-to-four times More calories per acre than grain Who WOULDN’T worship you, o’ noble spud?

Everybody must pray to the God of Potatoes Without whom there would be no potatoes And what kind of world would it be If there were no potatoes? Everybody must pray to the God of Potatoes Without whom there would be no potatoes And what kind of world would it be If there were no potatoes?
4.
If I could sing like Leonard Cohen Would you fall in love with me? If I could write a song like Leonard Cohen Would you go to bed with me? Sitting in the dark Staring intently at nothing Wondering what it would take to make you love me Wandering through the park Wistful and uncomprehending Wondering how to get you to go to bed with me If I could sing like Leonard Cohen (Leonard Cohen) Would that make you fall in love with me? If I could write a song like Leonard Cohen (like Leonard Cohen) Would you enthusiastically jump into bed with me? Aaaahhhhhhhhhh Aaaahhhhhhhhhh If you’re wondering where all this is going If you’re trying to understand And as regards the removal of your panties, I could sing like Leonard Cohen ‘cause baby, I’m your man Aaaahhhhhhhhhh Aaaahhhhhhhhhh Sitting on an empty stage Forgotten all my lines Trying to find a way to make you love me Staring at a blank page Emasculated and benign Wondering what it would take to get you to frolic in a bed with me If I could sing like Leonard Cohen (Leonard Cohen) Is it possible that you would fall in love with me? If I could write a song like Leonard Cohen (like Leonard Cohen) Would you climb the stairs and jump into bed with me? Aaaahhhhhhhhhh (Leonard Cohen) Aaaahhhhhhhhhh (like Leonard Cohen)
5.
I love it when you kiss me I love it when you smile at me I love the way I feel when you’re near I love the way you drool in my ear Is it love, is it love?
I don’t know Is it love, is it love? I guess so I guess so-o-o-o-o I love you more than chocolate I love the way you bulge out of your corset I love your Sheffield accent I’m so glad that you’re me girlfriend (ooh yeah)
 Is it love, is it love?
I don’t know Is it love, is it love? I guess so Mmmmm, I guess so I guess so-o-o-o-o Mmmmm, I guess so I wish I could be sensible and leave you alone I wish I could stop hoping that was you on the phone I wish I could think of a word that rhymes with “phone” (Al Capone?) I love the teary sparkle in your eye Every time you’re not ready to say goodbye I love the way you stroke what remains of my hair I love the way you work your magic down there Is it love, is it love?
I don’t know Is it love, is it love? I guess so Yeah, I guess so I guess so Mmmmm, hmmmm I’d love to share a taxi to your house I’d love to get acquainted on your couch I’d love to fix your plumbing I’ll text you when I’m coming I love the way you laugh at my jokes I love the way you barf on my coat My love goes right up to eleven I love you more than a game seven (well, maybe not more than a game seven)
6.
Hi Madeline, please be my friend I am so lonely and socially inept And humourless and hopelessly pathetic And I crave friends who will overlook my patheticness Regards, the guy from upstairs Michael D Dear Margaret, how you doing? (how’s it goin?) I haven’t seen you at the bus stop of late Did I upset you when I touched your hair Every day brings a new and mystifying crisis Regards, the guy with the limp Norman Q Sometimes you have to try A little bit harder than you might be inclined to Some journeys through emotional wreckage Require a stop or two along the way Hi Veronica, I have a friend His name is Simon and he lives in my head Sometimes he’s not always my friend sometimes And he’s quite adept at finding ways to make me cry Regards, from Simon’s erstwhile friend Martin P Aah aah aah, aah aah aah Ba bah ba bah Ba ba, ba ba bah This song needs a real bridge In China there is a town And in this town there is a flowing river And in this river there are sixteen fish And you may ask “What does this have to do with anything?” Regards, a voice from the past David B
7.
Love Me 04:03
Love me, don’t hurt me Be gentle, don’t play dirty Love me, don’t punish me like that Love me, don’t hate me Don’t taze me, or infect me with rabies Love me, but not in such a way that causes bleeding Or leaves vivid purple bruises Don’t get creative with that drill It seems so unjust, but if you must Don’t follow up with salt like last time Your sadistic pastime So love me don’t hate me Fellate me, don’t berate me Darling I’ll be forever yours If you would only love me No waterboarding No Gitmo-cavorting I’m partial to love that’s sweet and placid And not disfigured by acid I’ve never been fond of tiny cuts The torture they bring just ain’t my thing Same with medieval lashings And involuntary piercings So love me, don’t hurt me Give me passion, not scurvy Abuse ain’t the way to win my heart I just want you to love me Love me Love me Love me
8.
Anthem 02:24
The American People, etc

about

Absolute Drivel - a new full length album from David Blamires. Currently ONLY available on Bandcamp. Released to all DSPs October 29th

Wry & amusing musings on love, loss, faith, & root vegetables. "Absolute Drivel" takes an introspective look at dating life, loneliness, politics and a need to idolize tubers. The production is clean, crisp and sophisticated, and David's incredible musicality shines, with him handling ALL instruments and voices.

"Absolute Drivel" knits together truly "LOL" moments, along with catchy choruses that showcase David's versatile and virtuosic vocals.

David is able to simultaneously make you laugh and dazzle you with his phenomenal singing- which ranges from intimate, breathy and tender to unhinged and wailing.


All songs composed, performed and mixed by David Blamires.

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released September 30, 2021

All songs composed, performed and mixed by David Blamires.

Mastered by Steve Webster

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David Blamires Chicago, Illinois

David Blamires is a Grammy Award winning vocalist best known for his work recording and touring with the Pat Metheny Group.

In 1991 he released “The David Blamires Group” album, featuring the perennial jazz hit "Deep Is The Midnight Sea".

Recent singles "This Time", “Simple Truth” & "Please Delete Me" mark his return to a focus on his talent as a songwriter and recording original material.
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