1. |
Absolute Drivel
04:37
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Stephanie’s in a cab
She got her headphones on, and she smells like cigarettes
Jennifer’s at the mall
And it’s raining
Alice is in a bar
& she’s laughing, her kisses taste like tequila
Courtney’s got other ideas, not good ones, mmmmm
Meaningless, thoughtless
Pointless, absolute drivel
‘cause I don’t know what I’m on about
No I don’t know what I’m on about
Brenda’s in a fix
Because her phone’s dead, and she’s running out of options
Hayley’s in a state of mind, not a good one
Meaningless, thoughtless
Pointless, absolute drivel
‘cause I don’t know what I’m on about
No I don’t know what I’m on about
Don’t try to read behind the lines
‘cause it’s a complete waste of time
None of this makes any sense, by design
And it’s meaningless, absolute drivel
Pointless
Emily thinks of him
‘cause she’s enamoured of his mind, and his idiot poetry
Gemma’s in love with Brave New Dave
‘cause he’s meaningless, thoughtless
Pointless, absolute drivel
‘cause he don’t know what he’s on about
No he don’t know what he’s on about
Meaningless, thoughtless
Pointless, absolute drivel
‘cause he don’t know what he’s on about
No he don’t know what he’s on about
I don’t know what I’m on about
No I don’t know what I’m on about
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2. |
The Goodbye Song
04:25
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Fuck off
No need to linger, just fuck off
Talk to the finger
There is no more, just close the door
From the other side
Fuck off
Seems pretty simple just fuck off
So fundamental
My mind is set, what don’t you get?
The fuck, or the off?
Fuck off (fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off)
Fuck off (fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off)
Fuck off, aaaaaahhhh, fuck off
Come back
I’ve changed my mind then, please come back
Now I’ve changed it back again
So just fuck off
Just fucking fuck, fuck off
(fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off)
Fuuuuck ooooff
(fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off)
Don’t stop for gas, don’t stop for lunch
Don’t turn the car around, based on a hunch
Don’t order pizza, from a Serbian named Stan
Two simple words, I hope you understand
Fuck off
Fuck off (fuuuuck ooooff)
Fuck off
Fuck off
Don’t overthink it, just fuck off
Pour it and drink it
Don’t wonder why, just say goodbye
Fuck off
Feel free to mope, ‘cause there is no hope
Fuck off
Fu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uck off
(.. fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off ..)
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3. |
God Of Potatoes
04:25
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Potato, mystical tuber
Solanum tuberosum
Ancient friend, borne of the Andes
Conveyed to Europe by the Spanish in the 16th century
Everybody must pray to the God of Potatoes
Without whom there would be no potatoes
And what kind of world would it be
If there were no potatoes?
Nutrient-rich, good carbs & fibre
Fourth largest food crop in the world (behind rice, wheat, & corn)
Able to yield two-to-four times
More calories per acre than grain
Who WOULDN’T worship you, o’ noble spud?
Everybody must pray to the God of Potatoes
Without whom there would be no potatoes
And what kind of world would it be
If there were no potatoes?
Everybody must pray to the God of Potatoes
Without whom there would be no potatoes
And what kind of world would it be
If there were no potatoes?
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4. |
If I Could Sing
05:01
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If I could sing like Leonard Cohen
Would you fall in love with me?
If I could write a song like Leonard Cohen
Would you go to bed with me?
Sitting in the dark
Staring intently at nothing
Wondering what it would take to make you love me
Wandering through the park
Wistful and uncomprehending
Wondering how to get you to go to bed with me
If I could sing like Leonard Cohen (Leonard Cohen)
Would that make you fall in love with me?
If I could write a song like Leonard Cohen (like Leonard Cohen)
Would you enthusiastically jump into bed with me?
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh
If you’re wondering where all this is going
If you’re trying to understand
And as regards the removal of your panties, I could sing like Leonard Cohen
‘cause baby, I’m your man
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh
Sitting on an empty stage
Forgotten all my lines
Trying to find a way to make you love me
Staring at a blank page
Emasculated and benign
Wondering what it would take to get you to frolic in a bed with me
If I could sing like Leonard Cohen (Leonard Cohen)
Is it possible that you would fall in love with me?
If I could write a song like Leonard Cohen (like Leonard Cohen)
Would you climb the stairs and jump into bed with me?
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh (Leonard Cohen)
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh (like Leonard Cohen)
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5. |
More Than Chocolate
04:48
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I love it when you kiss me
I love it when you smile at me
I love the way I feel when you’re near
I love the way you drool in my ear
Is it love, is it love?
I don’t know
Is it love, is it love?
I guess so
I guess so-o-o-o-o
I love you more than chocolate
I love the way you bulge out of your corset
I love your Sheffield accent
I’m so glad that you’re me girlfriend (ooh yeah)
Is it love, is it love?
I don’t know
Is it love, is it love?
I guess so
Mmmmm, I guess so
I guess so-o-o-o-o
Mmmmm, I guess so
I wish I could be sensible and leave you alone
I wish I could stop hoping that was you on the phone
I wish I could think of a word that rhymes with “phone” (Al Capone?)
I love the teary sparkle in your eye
Every time you’re not ready to say goodbye
I love the way you stroke what remains of my hair
I love the way you work your magic down there
Is it love, is it love?
I don’t know
Is it love, is it love?
I guess so
Yeah, I guess so
I guess so
Mmmmm, hmmmm
I’d love to share a taxi to your house
I’d love to get acquainted on your couch
I’d love to fix your plumbing
I’ll text you when I’m coming
I love the way you laugh at my jokes
I love the way you barf on my coat
My love goes right up to eleven
I love you more than a game seven
(well, maybe not more than a game seven)
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6. |
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Hi Madeline, please be my friend
I am so lonely and socially inept
And humourless and hopelessly pathetic
And I crave friends who will overlook my patheticness
Regards, the guy from upstairs
Michael D
Dear Margaret, how you doing? (how’s it goin?)
I haven’t seen you at the bus stop of late
Did I upset you when I touched your hair
Every day brings a new and mystifying crisis
Regards, the guy with the limp
Norman Q
Sometimes you have to try
A little bit harder than you might be inclined to
Some journeys through emotional wreckage
Require a stop or two along the way
Hi Veronica, I have a friend
His name is Simon and he lives in my head
Sometimes he’s not always my friend sometimes
And he’s quite adept at finding ways to make me cry
Regards, from Simon’s erstwhile friend
Martin P
Aah aah aah, aah aah aah
Ba bah ba bah
Ba ba, ba ba bah
This song needs a real bridge
In China there is a town
And in this town there is a flowing river
And in this river there are sixteen fish
And you may ask “What does this have to do with anything?”
Regards, a voice from the past
David B
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7. |
Love Me
04:03
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Love me, don’t hurt me
Be gentle, don’t play dirty
Love me, don’t punish me like that
Love me, don’t hate me
Don’t taze me, or infect me with rabies
Love me, but not in such a way that causes bleeding
Or leaves vivid purple bruises
Don’t get creative with that drill
It seems so unjust, but if you must
Don’t follow up with salt like last time
Your sadistic pastime
So love me don’t hate me
Fellate me, don’t berate me
Darling I’ll be forever yours
If you would only love me
No waterboarding
No Gitmo-cavorting
I’m partial to love that’s sweet and placid
And not disfigured by acid
I’ve never been fond of tiny cuts
The torture they bring just ain’t my thing
Same with medieval lashings
And involuntary piercings
So love me, don’t hurt me
Give me passion, not scurvy
Abuse ain’t the way to win my heart
I just want you to love me
Love me
Love me
Love me
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8. |
Anthem
02:24
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The American People, etc
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David Blamires Chicago, Illinois
David Blamires is a Grammy Award winning vocalist best known for his work recording and touring with the Pat Metheny
Group.
In 1991 he released “The David Blamires Group” album, featuring the perennial jazz hit "Deep Is The Midnight Sea".
Recent singles "This Time", “Simple Truth” & "Please Delete Me" mark his return to a focus on his talent as a songwriter and recording original material.
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